Including Him

In the chapter I'm reading from Renee Swope's book, A Confident Heart, she asked this question: What mistakes or struggles make you feel like you can't follow God consistently?

Out of the myriad of mistakes and struggles that seem to plague my walk came an all encompassing answer: My need for worldly attention.

This answer is really behind every one of my struggles and failures.  There always seems to be a moment of emptiness that assails me and triggers my desperate gropes for attention.

Actually, I think the more appropriate answer to Renee's question for me is simply "My need for attention." It's my humanity that turns me looking to the world to answer that need, when I really should be seeking that attention from my Lord and Savior.  What trips me up is that seeking Jesus instead of worldly (human) contact, seems so remote and lonely.  I want to feel real arms around me. I want to have honest to goodness laughter and conversation;  to see and be seen...to know and be known.

Renee also suggested that I take my struggles and picture myself walking to the cross and asking Jesus to speak words of grace over my guilt.  I did as she suggested and this is what came to me:

Jesus reminded me that I don't have to shut myself off and only seek Him in prayer and meditation. I can feel His love and Heavenly attention through my spiritual relationships here on earth. And if I have friendships that are not Godly I need to pray Him into them.  I need to seek Him everywhere and in everything. I will find infinitely greater satisfaction (and won't have this empty feeling) if I am including Him in all of my relationships.

I wasn't created to be alone. I crave friendship and interaction with people for a reason. God programmed me this way.  I need to trust in His wisdom with this...and make sure that I keep Him, and my relationship with Him, first and foremost in my heart, mind, body and soul.  If I am fully aware that He is with me before I turn to my relationships here on earth, then those connections will be blessed and truly soul filling.

After this revelation, the Lord led me to the following passage:

In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through him, and nothing was created except through him. The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. - John 1:1-5 (NLT)

Watch out, I'm going to be seeking His light in all of you! He's there...He's been there since the beginning...and He will be there at the end.  I need Him here on earth. Don't you?

Dear Jesus - thank you so much for all the beautiful things that you created. Many a time I've gone walking on a crisp morning and marveled at the brilliant display of your glory.  Thank you for reminding me that you also created me and the humans that I love so dearly. Thank you for being in and through everything that I hold dear. Please help me remember to seek You in everything and everyone. You are there, even if they don't know you. I see your great commission in a different light this morning. It may be a selfish light, but I think you've shown this to me to help me reach out.  I may be seeking you in others because I need you, but if that need eventually shows them you...then a double blessing has happened. You are so good at those, my Lord!  I thank you from the bottom of this big "needs to be filled" heart for pouring into my emptiness your grace and assurance of love this morning. Your solid presence is here with me now and I am strong in that knowledge. I love you. Amen.

Blessings and peace,

Leah