Shadow of Doubt

 ²¹ Then Jesus told them, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don’t doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. ²² You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.” - Matthew 21:21-22 (NLT)


I am Vitamin D depleted.  That is Vitamin Divine depleted.  Did you know that you get some of your Vitamin D needs from the sun?  You probably do. But, I just now equated that knowledge to my needs being supplied by basking in the light of our Lord.


I started a new book today called "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope.  And I will be joining another online bible study group, who will be reading this book as well, starting next week.  


I'm already getting "ah hahs" and I've only read 3 pages from the first chapter! That's a good thing, because I'm needing some light bulbs going off over my head.


I'm needing light in all shapes and forms -- His light, that is.


In that first chapter, Renee talks about living with doubt -- mostly doubt of her abilities. I've been doubting my abilities quite a bit lately.


God gave her an "ah hah" when she was getting ready for a trip to speak at a women's conference.  She was struggling with doubts about her worthiness and ability to inspire these women while putting on her makeup in her brightly lit bathroom.  When she was done, she turned around to put her makeup in her bag and saw a huge shadow on the wall.  It was the shadow of her own 5' 2" body blown out of proportion by the angle of the light behind her.  In her state of despair she suddenly equated this shadow to her doubts...and that's when the Lord sent her an "ah hah":

You can only see the shadow because you have turned away from the light. Turn back toward the light.

Boy, did that wonk me upside the head!  It's not that I don't love our Lord and that I'm not aware that He's here with me, but I've been concentrating on my shadowy doubts instead of looking to Him for guidance.  

And what is making that huge shadow? Me!  I'm focusing on my abilities (or, in my opinion, my lack of abilities) instead of resting in His complete assurance.  

And when I think of that light, I'm also realizing that if I'm only allowing Him to shine on certain aspects of my life, then I'm always going to have that shadow to turn back to.  I need to seek Him in all areas of my life so that He is shining down on me fully from above.

I need and desperately want to be bathed in His light so completely that there is no shadow...of doubt, insecurity, heartache, dissatisfaction, fear, resentment, loneliness.

Instead I am filling up completely with Vitamin D-ivine: Love, joy, peace, security, contentment, confidence, strength.

And Jesus said, "I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark." (John 12:46 - NLT)

Amen.

Dear Lord - Thank you so much for bathing me in your Holy Spirit this morning. Thank you for the brief glimpse into your Divine wisdom.  Please help me to stop looking at my abilities and my inadequacies and instead turn my face to your glory.  I trust you to guide me where I need to be. I am not blinded by your light. I am illuminated, rejuvenated and made whole by your love.  You are my all in all. You are my prince and my peace. You are my rock and my savior. You are the light of my world and I love you so very much. Amen.

Blessings and peace,

Leah